I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
