The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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