Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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