you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
