my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
