i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
