i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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