yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
