Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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