update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
