I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
