just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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