Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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