Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
