Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
