i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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