dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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