How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
