Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
