Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
