I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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