I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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