She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
