Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize