i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My life is pants optional.
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