between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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