Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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