There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
