Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
