your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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