that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
