well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He felt like a one man threesome
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
