I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
