he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
