if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
