Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
