literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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