I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
