if you like me you must not know who I am
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
