Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
