I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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