my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize