We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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