I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize