just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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