im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
