how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
