Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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