I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
