i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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