My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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