I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
