someone threw a dead crab at me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
be right there i have to get my cape
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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