Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
