I showed him my bush... on skype.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
