Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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