Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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