You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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