Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
