i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
